[04/11/03] Cherry Blossoms and Hippie Shows

Hey everyone. Hope you're all well. Someone asked me if my computer was broken, and I think they were hinting at the paucity of emails that I have been sending out to ya'll. I know they've been a little few and far between since Christmas, but really its been the same story every week since after the break. Here's a summary:

1. Wake up way too early
2. Ride my bike throught the freakin' freazing cold, and sometimes (more like lots of times) rain
3. Go to class after class, and spend my precious time abroad in a classroom, reading books about things that I could find out for myself if I had time to go and discover them on my own
4. Go home far too late to hold much of a conversation with my host family, eat dinner, take a bath, and go to sleep
5. Repeat steps 1-4 day after monotonous day

However! However, there have been a few rays of sunshine coming through, literally and figuratively. In the literal sense of the expression, its spring time, and the mercury has mercifully climbed to a bearable degree. This makes the whole study, book, classroom thing that much harder. In the figurative sense, I have managed a few respites in the schedule, long enough to actually get out and spend some time doing what I should, which is enjoying my last few weeks here.

Like what, you might ask? Well, like this, I might answer. Yesterday my good friend Anthony and I decided we were going to skip our afternoon classes and head to Osaka castle to see the cherry blossoms. Now for those of you who don't know, the cherry blossoms are like catnip for Japanese. For weeks ahead of their blossoming the news reports are loaded with stories on the weather patterns that will bring the warm air that opens the flowers. They only blossom for about a week, and this ephemeral nature combined with their almost sublime beauty make them all the more incredible. Beautiful yet tragic. It makes for lots of good haiku poems.

Anyway, with all that build up, sitting in a classroom listening to a lecture really didn't seem to offer any comparison whatsoever. So we took the train down to the castle, broke out the frisbee, and had a great afternoon. The trees really were incredible. When you have that many together, and in places it was a solid wall of cherry trees, its breathtaking. They reminded me of rolling banks of pink clouds that had come down to the ground. And then to make it even more dramatic, the wind blew through, shaking hundreds of tiny petals free and blowing them to the ground in a pink snow.

After leaving the castle we were walking down the street, and just by pure chance this American guy walks up behind us and says "you guys need a ticket?" Well, not knowing about any shows in the area, we thought he was just trying to sell us something shady and kept on walking, but then about ten yards further down the road we started to get curious. We went back and asked him what kind of tickets he was selling, and discovered that a band called the String Cheese Incident was playing only half an hour from that moment, in the very building in front of which we were standing. I had only heard about this band about a week earlier from Anthony. They're kind of a hippie band, but they're supposed to be pretty huge in Boulder. That would make sense, though, since I hear there're lots of hippies in Boulder, and coincidentally Anthony is from Boulder and is also a hippie. Funny how sometimes all the pieces just seem to fall together, isn't it? Anyway, long story short, we bought this dude's tickets, and found ourselves in front of this band, whom I am told people will go half way around the world to see. There actually were guys from Canada and the States there, who came just to see the show. But hey, that's Canada, and the guy from the States was probably a hippie. It was lots of fun, and even more so for its utter spontaneity.

So that's about all for now. Incidentally, if there are any Canadians or hippies, or hippie Canadians who read this message, no offense intended whatsoever. Just joking around. You can make fun of me, too, all you want. God knows you've got plenty of canon fodder for it. Take care, all.

[03/10/03] Hiroshima

Howdy, all. I hope you're all doing well, especially with spring break just right around the corner. Its still cold here, but rumor has it that the spring weather and the cherry blossoms are just right around the corner. I'll believe it when I see it.

This last weekend I took a trip to Hiroshima, one of the two cities over which an Atomic Bomb was dropped during World War II. It was one of the most powerful journeys I have ever taken. It would be difficult, if not impossible for me to convey to you the things that I felt and experienced there, in part I am sure because each person's experience is different. But I can at least try impart some knowledge of the city and the people, and the things that I have seen.

The city nowadays has been totally rebuilt, and it would be very difficult to tell that only sixty years ago it was laid completely flat. In most of the places that I have visited here I have felt a little out of place, but in Hiroshima, it was difficult for me to look at people in the eye. I don't mean to say that they made me in any way feel unwelcome, but there were enough reminders of the Tiny Sun that descended on Hiroshima, most of them taking the form of monuments and memorials clustered around the center of the city where it fell, to make even the most staunch character feel a little ashamed.

I saw the shadows that were burned into the buildings, images of people, or what used to be people, walking the streets with their skin hanging in tatters, heard of the suffering caused by the radiation, that lingering horror peculiar to nuclear weapons, that lasted decades after the fires were put out and the buildings rebuilt. I listened to a woman who survived the blast recount her story, and if there were ever anything that could turn my mind against the idea of warfare it was this city and the remainders of what had happened to it. Seeing these things it was really difficult for me to believe that today world leaders could actually consider using these weapons, which are now a hundred times more powerful even than the one dropped on Hiroshima, and there are those that could countenance such a decision. I don't believe that I will heretofore be capable of supporting warfare as a means to an end, and I would challenge anyone who disagrees to walk the streets of a city like Hiroshima and see if their opinion is not altered.

There were many other adventures, and much more to tell, but they are stories for another time. Please take care of yourselves, and I'll talk to you again soon.

[02/25/03] Howdy from Japan

Hey all. Its been a while, hasn't it? I hope you're all doing well, and that the spring weather, or whatever variation of it you happen to be experiencing at the moment, is treating you well. I've been all kinds of busy with school here this semester. I've moved up to the advanced language courses, and I'm finding that this is where the real studying is really beginning. We've moved on from the more simple conversations of "how's the weather," or "what's your major," to actually using words like "weapons of mass destruction," and "reconnaissance sattelite" in our daily conversations.

Japan is still dispiritingly cold. And on top of this, most houses in Japan, including the one in which I am currently attempting shelter from the elements, are not equipped with central heating. We have little oil burning space heaters, but the one that I was given by my host family for my room gives off so much gas and fume that I can only stand to run it for about ten minutes before I'm nearly choked on the exhaust. In lots of houses, since there isn't a whole lot of space for a large refrigerator, in the winter time families just put things that they want kept frosted in a spare room of the house, which serves the purpose of a large walk-in cooler.

In the arena of classes, I'm going strong so far. I'm planning on dropping my history course to make time for other things like studying for the more demanding subjects, and of course for experiencing the country. I had this fiendish plan to wait until after the first field trip to drop the course so that I could go on it for free, but the instructor postponed the field trip until after the final drop date for courses. He claimed inclement weather as his reason, and while it did rain almost the entire weekend, I have a creeping suspicion that either he, or the forces of the Universe are against me. Oh well. The cost was only about ten bucks, anyway. And there's always plenty of opportunities for mischief....

That's about all from me for now. I put in some pictures from the winter break for your enjoyment. One of them is of me decked out in the high fashion of the ski slopes before I went snowboarding, and the other one, well the other one may need some explanation. See, its this place in Tokyo called "Tokyo Big Sight," and they have this giant saw standing out front. The sign at the bottom says "Toukyou Biggu Saito" (Tokyo Big Sight), but when I saw it I thought, "shouldn't it say "Big Saw?" Anyway, I'm a sucker for one liners and other such stupid humor, but I take it where I can get it. Hopefully some of you are as well...hey, you put up with me for a friend, don't you?

[11/29/02] Hisashiburi ya na

Hey guys. Wow, so much to say. First off, sorry for not writing for so long. I could make excuses about homework and school, but do you really want to hear them? I wouldn't think so.

So, probably the biggest news yet is that I am now officially a host-uncle! That's right, my oldest host sister, Youko, had her first baby on Tuesday. Her name is Yui. I haven't seen her yet in person, but the pictures are cute. If by cute you mean bearing an expression of shock and abject horror on a tiny red, wrinkled face. At least there wasn't any puke or afterbirth in the pictures they showed me. Seriously, though, she looks like quite a kid, and I can't wait until she gets a little older so that I can get to work on turning her to my evil will.

Speaking of turning kids to your evil will, last Wednesday I went on a school field trip to a local elementary school. It was quite different from the elementary school that I remember going to as a kid. First of all I was surprised by the six foot cement wall surrounding the compound, topped with razor spikes, and guarded by an automatic gate that requires permission from someone inside to open. Not sure what that one's all about. I don't think they have to worry about kids getting out, or anyone they don't like getting in. Except ninjas. Always have to look out for those guys. When we were inside we met up with the classes that we were supposed to spend the day with. My class was the third grade. Our first activity was to teach each other games from our own countries. Since I couldn't teach them about possum kicking (thank you Beth LaGrone) I taught them duck duck goose, which they added their own charming little variations to, and ended up beating the crap out of all the exchange students. We then went to their classroom and practiced calligraphy and had lunch. Lunch was quite interesting. Beforehand I, and all the other guests, received shoulder massages from the kids. I wasn't sure where this custom came from, but somehow I was able to bear it. The food gets brought to the classroom by someone who works in the cafeteria in these huge bins. From there the kids take over. About half the class dons these little kid sized chef hats and aprons and distributes the food to the rest of the class after setting places for them right at their desks. After lunch everyone pitches in to clean up the classroom, which includes clearing the desks and polishing the floor. Third grade. I think that us foreign kids were something of a disruption to the natural order of things, though. I caught a few perturbed looks on the teacher's face when one of us would do something to send the kids into riotous laughter and disrupt the class (of which I played only a small part, honestly).

Let's see, what else.... A couple of weeks ago one of my friends popped up and asked if I wanted to go with him to Hokkaido for the weekend. Let's put this into perspective, shall we? You're sitting there minding your own business, doing your homework, when one of your buddies comes in and asks if you want to go to New York for the weekend. Ludricrous, no? But when your friend has as good a travel deal as mine did in this case, you don't pass it up. So, last weekend I payed a visit to the northernmost island of the Japanese archipeligo. Hokkaido, famous for ramen (a kind of noodle), seafood, big bears, open spaces, and snow. How different it was from the Japan that I have come to know! Where Osaka is crowded, narrow, and dirty, Hokkaido was open, spacious, and clean. I don't know much about architecture, but if I had to place the buildings I'd say they looked like they belonged much more in Europe than in Japan. Most of my time was spent in a city called Sapporo, on the eastern side, with a jaunt to another close by city, Otaru, which is famous for its canal, blown glass, and music boxes. Exciting, right? On the first night my friends and I went to the park to see the christmas lights. When I say night, you have to realize that in Hokkaido at this time of year it gets dark at four thirty in the afternoon, and by christmas lights I mean lights that they string up in the parks every year around this time. Well, it didn't take long before we were engaged in a snowball fight that had us dodging in between Japanese folks and camera men filming the lights. More than a few of those cameras got turned on us, and by the end we had literally emptied our half of the park of Japanese people trying to escape our abuse. So, as with most of the experiences I've had here, I must make a recommendation to the curious traveler that if you one day find yourself in Japan, make an effort to visit Hokkaido.

So, that's it for me for this week. I've got another weekend of cloistered study coming up, so everyone get out and enjoy some fresh air for me. I hope Thanksgiving was great for you all. Take care.

ps - I've included some pictures with this one. The first two are from the elementary school, and the third is a shot of downtown Otaru.

[11/14/02] American Ninja 5

Hey, what's up, guys. I hope everyone is doing well. As for me, I seem to have come down with something of a cold. Japanese medicines are weaker than American ones, I think its because American meds have to work on American sized folks. But fortunately Takako was thoughtful enough to pack some medicine in my bag before I left, so I should be fixed soon enough.

Last weekend I went with some of my friends to a place called Iga Ueno, better known to some as Ninja Town. Back in the day this place was a center for the stealth arts and is now one of the most famous places where the curious mind can learn some of their tricks. They had a museum, a ninja house that had all kinds of secret panels, and trick doors, and they put on a show to demonstrate their ninja-ness.

Then we were attacked by the infamous Koga clan, and some of my friends were kidnapped. But I proved my stealth skills by rescuing them and stealing one of the Scrolls of Secret Teaching. For this I was allowed to learn the wisdom of the scroll. Unfortunately, it wasn't the one that lets you walk on water, but it was the mud scroll, which allows the warrior with the true heart of the shinobi to walk effortlessly across really really soft mud. So watch out!

Anyway, my thoughts have now become muffled by the congestion in my sinuses, so I must bid you all farewell for this week. Take care.

yours,

[11/07/02] Now in Full Color

All right! Good news - my friends and I were finally able to get my laptop hooked up to the internet so I can send you pictures along with my stories now! Remember way back when I told you about the Danjiri festival, the one with all the giant carts that they drag really fast through the narrow streets? Well, here's a picture of one of 'em. Enjoy!

[11/07/02] Festivals and Bike Chains

Hey guys. Sorry you haven't heard from me in a while. Things have been kinda slow. Slow and tired.

However, last weekend was the annual school festival (gaidaisai �O���). I've been here, what, two and half months now, and already there has been some kind of huge festival at least every other week. The lesson here I think is that Japan likes parties (as long as they're not too wild).

The festival consisted mostly of the various student clubs erecting tents on the turf field and cooking up traditional (or sometimes not so traditional) foods. Of these I ate many, many sugared delights, such as apple doughnuts, fried ice cream, honeyed pancake balls, and cinnamon pudding. Top it off with chicken ka-bobs, french bread and soup, and lots of beer (it is Japan, after all), and you've got a good time. Well, I've got a good time. You weren't there...or were you?

Naturally there was also music and dancing. I remember one of the rooms that was run by the soccer team had a karaoke setup, complete with its own bar. You could go in, request a song, and while you sang the entire soccer team would get up and dance around you. And they were choreographed! It didn't matter what song you chose, they had a dance for it!

So, that was my big day at the festival. Right now, I'm waiting for class to start so that I can take a test. I've ben having to ride the bus instead of my bike lately. See, I parked my bike down by the train station. No problem, I see lots of people do it every day. Except for there must have been something illegal about the manner in which I chose to park my bike, because somebody locked a chain around the tire, and left me a nice little note with bunch of kanji on it that I haven't learned yet. Why was I singled out? I don't know, but I think in that guy's perfect world I would go to some office and pay some fee to have it taken off. What's actually going to happen, though, is the first set of pliers I can find that can gut through a piece of half inch chain are going to be put to good use. And I think I'll leave the guy a nice little note, thanking him for the advice, as well.

Take care, all. Until later.

[10/27/02] *Insert Entertaining Title Here*

Sorry for the lack of stories this week, guys. I had lots of homework this weekend, so I didn't really do anything exciting (unless you count writing papers and practicing kanji to be exciting). On the upside, I've managed to crank out yet another term paper, and finished all my work for the next week, so I can finally breathe. Incidentally if anyone would like to know about the structure and correlates of kanashibari, and its relation to the Nichiren school of Buddhism, I can tell you a good bit more than you probably want to know.

Today there's a group of researchers from Kyoto University on campus conducting research to study native english speakers' cognitive processes. They said they'd pay me a thousand yen (about seven bucks) to participate. Sweet! I'll probably throw the curve or something, and completely skew their results. We can only hope....

So, that's all for now. Take care of youselves.

[10/26/02] More from the Onsen

Konnichiwa, Amerika-jin!!!!

Okay, that was pretty obnoxious, but even more so if you'd heard me say it as I was typing. Every one around me looked at me with a really annoyed kind of dirty look. Consider yourselves lucky.

So, by popular demand I'll regale you all with a few more tidbits of the onsen trip last weekend.

The onsen is in the mountains. If the mountains that I had visited earlier were beautiful, these mountains were like gods. One can really gain a deeper appreciation of the Japanese belief in the gods of nature (kami) by spending time in places like that. You could almost sense that the mountain was watching you, keeping the world outside at bay lest it defile the sanctity of the forests and rivers.

The springs themselves come up in different places around the mountain, and in these places the people have built buildings, usually hotels or cottages for people to stay close to the springs. The buildings don't usually try to alter the springs, though, so they're still coming from the living rock of the mountain. It would be rather like having a secret grotto in your basement with a waterfall and mazes of hidden passages with steam filling the air so that around each stone is a new mystery. At this particular resort there were forty springs, varying in temperature, but all of them hot. Very hot.

So, a few notes on what to expect when you actually enter the hot spring area. Remeber when I said that since there aren't many foreigners here I am subject to the looks and glares of the natives? Well, if a gaijin (foreigner) walking down the street is rare, then a naked gaijin is like a freaking white stag (okay, that pun was definitely inteded...). I'm hairier than any twelve Japanese put together, and pale as a ghost, so you can imagine I was quite a spectacle.

The whole weekend I wore a traditional Japanese style Yukata, or cotton robe, witha quilted over coat (happi) and sandals. I don't think I have ever been so comfortable in my life, as far as clothing goes. I have a project for you - you should all start to wear robes and sandals around everywhere you go and make it a trend, because they're infinitely more comfortable than blue jeans. Got it? Good.

Remember the cake viking I told you about? Well, for dinner and breakfast the next day we had a food viking! So many kinds of food, and all of them delicious (please disregard previous food rant). Plates and plates of crab legs and lobster, cakes, fruit (fruit in Japan is quite a delicacy, since its so expensive), and myriad more.

I count this trip as one of the best I have yet taken, and I highly recommend that if you find yourselves here one day you should endeavour to experience one for yourself.

Take care, all. Until later.

[10/21/02] Onsen

Good evening, all. So, as promised I went to one of the many Japanese hot springs (Onsen) last weekend, but I must admit that I can't tell you much about it. Me without much to say? Believe it, its true. After thinking on how I could possibly describe to you what the trip was like, I realized that there really was no way to do it. To try and put it into words would only cheapen the experience, so suffice it to say that it was good. And should you find yourselves one day in this country you must absolutely make every effort to visit an onsen.

I would write more, but today, having left the onsen, hirakata seems a little bit dim and nothing really seems worth reporting. So, take care, everyone. Until later.

...priming my karma for future evil deeds...

[10/18/02] AIIEEEEEEEE!!!

We didn't have school this week because Mothra attacked the campus and Godzilla came to defend us from his venomous fire breath!

[10/15/02] Training

So, in case you guys hadn't heard, I've finally found somebody to train with. His name is Chris Mulligan, and he's Hombu style, but he's the closest thing to our Iwama ryu around here. Western Japan is pretty steeped in the traditional Budo like Kendo and Judo, but Aikido has yet to make an appearance in strength here. But anyway, the take home message is I'm back on the mat, and I hope you guys are keeping it going back home.

I've heard that training on tatami is rough, and they weren't kidding. We don't even train on real tatami, we train on this rubberized tatami-substitute, but its kinda like what I would imagine training on a scouring pad would be like. Three rolls and your ankles are eaten up. And I've already torn a few callouses off my feet (one of them was the size of a quarter!).

Take care, guys.

[10/14/02] Let Them Eat Cake

Howdy, all. There's not much to report this week (my apologies to those of you whom this is the first message you've received from me). I spent almost all weekend studying since this week is midterms, and I've got my hands full.

However, on Friday I met some of my friends in Kyoto to go to this thing that they call a "cake viking." Basically its a cake buffet, and the name (I think) comes from the image of a pillaging viking who eats and drinks all he wants, with no one to stand in his way. It costs about fifteen bucks, and they have all different kinds of cakes, and coffee, and sandwiches, but there's a catch - you have only fifty minutes to eat all you can! So, as you can imagine, for a little less than an hour its cake madness as everyone (and I do mean everyone - we had to wait three hours to get a table!) crowds in to devour the myriad pastries. I ate five plates of cake (about twenty pieces), so I think I got my money's worth. And, naturally, I managed to wrap a few pieces in napkins and smuggle them out in my pockets (big pockets).

So, that's all from me for this week. Next weekend I have a tripped to the onsen, Japanese hot springs, planned with my friends, so there will surely be some good stories for next week. Take care, everybody.

[10/07/02] Honorable Greetings and Shameful Puns

Hey guys. Get ready for a rant.

So, have I mentioned how much I absolutely loathe traditional Japanese foods? And I would say to those of my friends who thought I enjoyed them and have enjoyed them themselves that I, and probably you as well, have never had Japanese Japanese food. We've most of us had Texas Japanese. If I could select two adjectives to describe the food...let's seeee...ummm...AH! Here we are - cold and slimy!! If the principle ingredients of my dearly missed Mexican cuisine are rice, beans, and beef, then the Japanese base their culinary palate on red bean paste, steamed rice, and fish. They use that red bean paste stuff in everything - especially deserts. And they really have no care for whether or not their food is hot. It seems the clammier the better (pun intended, etc., etc...). I've quickly found that they relish in leaving as much fat in their meat as possible, so that the chunks of pork you find in various dishes are really more just small pieces of meat that happen to be attached to a large mass of fatty tissue (which is usually as near to raw as makes no difference). That's the other thing - if its not raw and cold, then its deep fat fried. I don't know how these people stay so bloody skinny.

Last night was my host father's birthday and to celebrate we had a feast, not to use the term too lightly, in the Japanese style room at home. Yes, a feast - a feast of cold, smelly, mayonaise coated, guts and brains still inside it, looking like they'd just pulled it out of the ocean, red bean paste feast. All decorated up in fall garnishes and cutesy little dishes. I couldn't help thinking of that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where they're sitting around at that feast in the palace eating beatles eels - oh wait, I eat eels at least once a week. It probably cost a fortune, too, given that everything else here is so expensive, and the price only goes up with the presentation. Its served in copious ammounts on such an occasion, and since it costs so much its rather rude to turn your nose up to it. But a man can only take so much. After fighting my way through the better portion of the more olfactory friendly items I had come to the last bit of raw fish that I could handle. It was so tough and slimy that I had to choose between gagging on it and possibly letting loose everything I had thus far endevored to keep down, and spitting it into my hand. I chose the latter, and did it covertly enough that no one else noticed. I then hid the piece of chewed-nastiness in my soup bowl, where all the contents were so close in resemblance to this little table-sin that you couldn't really discern a difference. Well, later on, after it was clear that I had taken all I could the other family members began to pick at my plates, and you guessed it - they plucked the bit chewed up fish from the bowl and ate it down, probably not realizing it was any different from the "pork" that comprised the actual soup. 'Nuf said.

Turning our attention now to more tasteful subjects *heyoo* I went just the other day to the barber to get my neck trimmed up. I must say, I never expected that in the quest for better customer service the Japanese could have made something as simple and mundane as a haircut into an experience to shave your head for *two points*. Seriously though, the barbers are really good. They shave your neck upwards, so that you don't get even a single hair down the back of your shirt, and afterwards you even get a neck massage!

So, just a quick note on the language before I close. Sometimes Japanese seems to me almost to be a pidgin language. The grammar and sentence structures are such that they are basically backwards from English (kinda like Yoda from Star Wars), but they have so many borrowed words that you could almost just speak like a little green jedi master and be understood. The thing is, though, that if you don't say the borrowed words with a Japanese accent they have no clue what you're talking about. For example - take the word elevator. To say this is Japanese turn the "l" to an "r", and the "v" to a "b," stretch some of the syllables, and you've got it: erebeitaa. But if you don't say it that way, people ignore you for a barbarian foreigner. I'm trying to imagine an exchange student in Texas looking for the elevator and having to say it with a Texas twang just to be intelligible - "eluhvaytur."

yours,

[09/29/02] Post-postscript: Marathons, etc...

So, in reading it over again, after sending, I realized there were many more spelling and grammar errors than I caught. To everyone but Dr. Palmer I apologize. Dr. Palmer, I know that you were never one to care much for those things, as long as it had heart.

Until later, everyone.

[09/29/02] Marathons, Fairytales, and Parasitic Hordes

Howdy, all.

So, last weekend I went with my host mother and sister to Hyogo prefecture.

A quick geography/vocab lesson: a prefecture, or ken roughly equates to a state in Japan, shi is a suffix meaning city, and cho a suffix meaning ward or district. So, as my address is Osaka-ken, Hirakata-shi, Nakamiyahigashino-cho, that's like saying I live in the State of Texas, Dallas, Oaklawn (or somesuch place). There's a subdivision relative to the county in there also, but I can't remeber what its called.

So anyway, Back to Hyogo. Our travelling companions were friends of my host mother from her health club and were going with the intention of running in a marathon down by the sea. Two things which I found amazing:

1. the number of runners who had to have their warm-up cigarette before competing. This is really an amazing cultural phenomenon. You guys would not believe the number of people who smoke here. And smoke like chimneys, I mean. Non-smokers seem to be the minority. But it was all the more amazing that these people who are dependent upon their wind to reach their goal were puffing away only minutes before the starting gun. Apparently that's the idea, though. Its sort of like a reward after (or before) a long, strenuous effort to enjoy a smoke (or eight).

2. the number of old people that were running in the race. And I mean just that. They were really old, and they were really running. Like they were twenty years old. Given the previous commentary on the tobacco industry's success, this seems as though it surely would not be possible. I submit to the council that perhaps cigarettes are not as bad as we have believed. Or maybe they really were twenty years old, and the tobacco and alcohol had withered them before their time.

At any rate, after the marathon our party packed up and headed for the mountains. Which, as hinted in the title of this email, were straight from a fairy tale. I have never before seen mountains like this in my life. That statement may sound like an enormous "duh" coming from a Texan, but even in pictures have I seldom seen such places as this. Huge, round backed hills, reaching up to the sky, blanketed in pine and spruce sixty and seventy feet tall. The trees grew such that only the top ten or fifteen feet had needles, so that they were like green clouds that floated over towering pillars. They were so thick that even though the sun shone on them from above inside it looked like nightime and it would not be hard to imagine legendary characters walking about in that other world.

As the sun set behind the hills it turned the sky purple and the mountains themselves inky black. I really have never seen anything like it before.

We made it to the cabin where we were staying and at dinner I sat around and learned much about the local dialect. I tried out some of the koto-waza (idioms) that I had picked up to the great amusement of the company. It really is fun to watch people's faces light up when you pull out some obscure native expression at just the right moment. It makes you sound like you have a much more respectable command of the language than you do (though I know I couldn't pull such a ruse in class - the sensei knows my abilities and would see through such an attempt).

In the morning I went out for a walk to see if the mountains were as breathtaking in the day as they were in the sunset and found them to be every bit so. Ever one to wonder what I might find off the beaten track, I soon left the walking trail to explore one of the twilight glades. Inside, after a climb up a steep slope, I stood for a while breathing the clean mountain air before decending again and continuing on the path. A little further on I found a small stream coming out of the mountain with a large stone next to it, looking like it had been placed there just for the purpose of sitting and thinking. So, I sat down on the rock and for a few minutes enjoyed the sound of the stream.

There, induced by the atmostphere to contemplate the mysteries of the Universe, I noticed something that I had not seen before, and which was quite unexpected - to mid calf I was covered in leeches!!! So we come to the third item of the title. What an ironic turn, this, that most people who live a city life strive to enjoy the great outdoors, and here I was in just such a spot when mother nature had sent her blood-sucking brood to bring me back down out of the clouds.

Ordinarily I would have picked them off and simply found a news spot to sit, but the numbers are what alarmed me. Already I could see six or seven of them crawling up my jeans looking for a place to sink their jaws, and looking at my shoes I saw many more crawling around and climbing down into them. I picked off the ones that I could see and jogged back to the cabin to get into the shower with the sure knowledge that they had already climed all the way up my legs and were feeding on my crotch (does anyone remeber the movie Stand By Me?). I found my underwear to be graciously leech free, though I must admit I had to take several deep breaths before I could look.

So, three things from this: 1. I spent most of the rest of the day around the cabin reading and talking with the natives, 2. I got a great story out of it, and a couple of leech scars to remember it by, and 3. Mom - I'll never ask you again to help me get my hands on any "medical" leeches (probably).

So guys, that's all for now (I know I've already practically written a novel, but much has transpired). Take it easy, and I'll be sending more later.

post script: In proofreading this message before sending it I realized that the style is somewhat uncharacteristic of my typical letters. I must attribute this to the fact that I've been reading a lot of J.R.R. Tolkien lately, and as often occurs when absorbed in a novel I have adopted, to a degree, his style of speech and writing. My apologies, it will pass.

[09/24/02] 50 kilometer bike ride

Hey, guys. The day before yesterday I went on a 50 kilometer bike ride. I have no idea what that is in miles, but I can tell you that I had a terrible head wind (mukai-kaze) all the way. What amazes me more, though is that I made this ride with my 55 year old host mother, who, I have creeping suspicions, would have been able to do the whole thing twice. She's a hoss. We rode from our house to Osaka Castle and then to a place called Shitennoji, which means the temple of the four heavenly kings.

On the way to the school every morning I go over this little creek to get to the train station. I thought that this little muddy, weedy waterway was what they call the Yodogawa river, but was I ever wrong. Whilst out on the ride I discovered the actual river flowing on the other side of town, next to an absolutely beautiful park. It really was a breath of fresh air, no pun intended, etc.... I've felt like I was really falling into a rut here. A terrible thing to say that in such a far away place, but I suppose academia has that effect on you if you let it.

Everyone take it easy (or however you like it).

Reporting on such things as may happen in my corner of the world...

[09/19/02] Japan

So, if I'm in the land of the Rising Sun right now, that must mean that most of you are in the land of the Setting Sun, right? Right. I think that image fits Texas pretty well.

Thanks to everyone who sent me Birthday wishes. I missed you all dearly. My host family took care of me, though it wasn't the typical Birthday fare that I was used to. Fried vegetables and some sort of sweet rice concoction with diced giant Radish. Yikes.

Holding down the fort here. Things have gotten very crowed since the Japanese students started school last Tuesday. Some mornings there are so many people walking along the street towards school that the cars can't get by on a two lane road.

That's about all for this installment. Take care, guys. I'll see you all soon.

[09/16/02] More from Japan

So, last weekend was pretty exciting. On Saturday I went to this huge aquarium in Osaka called the Kaiyuukan. Allow me to say a little about it - its amazing! The aquarium is about five stories tall and when you go in you take the biggest escalator I've ever seen up to the top and start from there. In the center in this enormous tank that goes from the ground up to the fourth floor and is full of deep sea life from the pacific rim. Their prized exhibit is a whale shark! For those who don't know, that's the biggest fish we yet know of, and they grow to about 45 feet long. Around the outside walls there are other smaller tanks that have all other kinds of life from around the ring of fire. It was so crowded though. Everywhere I've been in the last week has been jam packed.

On Sunday I went to a festival called the Danjiri Matsuri in Kishiwada. Its a kind of harvest festival where they have these huge wooden structures on wheels that are pulled at break neck (literally - every year at least one person dies, and there have been two so far this year) speeds by hundreds of Japanese through the streets. The odd thing is that no one cheers. They sit by, packed in like sardines on the sidewalks as the police and festival officials come by and press them in ever tighter, quietly observing one after another of the rolling carts of death and maiming fly by. This made no sense to me. I started cheering. It was very exciting, and I think that many people in my place would agree. Everyone started staring at me like it was the most wrong thing I could have possibly done. Then some other Americans and I started chasing the carts through the streets, to the great irritation of the participants. The crowds packed in at the sidewalks laughed so hard. We had a pack of about ten police officers following us, making sure the unpredictable Americans didn't do anything really outrageous. If any of you can pass this story on to Wes I'm sure he can appreciate it.

So that was my weekend. Yesterday there was no school because of the Autumnal Equinox. I stayed in all day and read and studied to catch up on the time I had spent giving the Japanese hell.

I hope everyone is well. Please take care of yourselves, I want to see you all in June (I may need to practice what I preach here).

signing off

[09/10/02] Once More

Yes, its that time of year again, when all the birds of the air, fish of the sea, and beasts of the field prance and fly in joyous celebration of that momentous occasion, unparalleled in history when time stood still and the stars of heaven shone down on the earth to light the way for the coming of the Golden One, The Aboriginal, He Who Is. And verily, they did shower him with gifts of colorfully wrapped candies, papers bearing preprinted sentiments, and from a thousand voices rose a joyous song in as many different tunings as there were voices.

Can you guys hear me laughing at myself from 7000 miles away? Yeah, so sometime next week, I think its Thursday, is my birthday, and a few of you have asked what I would like. Well, the answer is I want you guys to enjoy yourselves and smile at a stranger and not worry about sending anything all the way over here (unless you're related to me, in which case expensive gifts and donations of money are expected - but please still enjoy yourselves while you shower me with presents, and if you happen to meet a stranger on the way to the post office a smile won't delay you too long). For everyone else, if you really wanted to send a card you can send it to me at

Jared Mays
c/o Center for International Education Kansai Gaidai University
16-1 Nakamiyahigashino-cho
Hirakata City
Osaka 573-1001 JAPAN

Things are pretty much the same here as they were...no new news. Didn't somebody say that no news is good news? I think that person must not have been bored very easily. Either that or he had a vendetta against the newspapers. Take care, everyone.

Yours,

goldy

[09/08/02] Live from Osaka

Hey, everyone.  Things are going well here.  My classes are all great (speaking from that hopeful, excited perspective that comes with every first week of school) and I think I've finally got most of the basics of daily survival down.  Phones are still, and will probably always be, an enormous headache.  On Thursday I went through the ordeal of buying a cell phone.  It seems that though they sell phones from the same company, different individual stores have different ideas of what kinds of identification and paperwork are necessary for a sale.  After about three hours of searching we finally found one lax enough to let us fill out paper work, but after half an hour of filling in little blanks on the sheet the clerk said, oh yeah, by the way that 50% student discount (the whole reason I was buying from that company) can't be applied to exchange students.  So, I went to a different company and bought a prepaid cell phone (kinda like a calling card with its own phone - we don't have them yet in America) which was considerably more expensive, and to top it off the only model they had was pink! I'm seriously considering giving it the coup-de-grace with a huge flower sticker on the back, or a nice fuzzy fob. 

Anyway, in Japan, at a traditional style dinner, you order entrees corresponding to the number in your party, but everyone shares everything.  I found this out rather quickly when I embarrassed myself by claiming the entirety of what I thought I had ordered for myself. 

Also, I could swear I saw a gangster on the train the other morning.  He was wearing alligator shoes, had on these really dark sunglasses, had a huge gold ring, and was wearing at least four or five earrings.  He was even eating peanuts like the gangsters in the movies do, in that heavy fingered I-just-knocked-somebody-off-and-now-i'm-gonna-go-
put-a-severed-horse-head-in-someones's-bed kinda way.  Very unusual, considering the average person with earrings isn't wearing a suit and the average person with a suit isn't wearing alligator shoes and earrings.  My friend said she thought gangsters had enough money that they didn't have to ride the trains, but I stand by my assessment.  I mean, what if he had a body in the trunk of his car and had to have it sunk in the lake, or crushed at the junkyard?  Like the movies, right?  Right. 

On Saturday I went to a place in Osake called Namba.  Its famous for its shopping and entertainment.  That was all kinds of fun.  My oldest host sister, Yoko, sings in a gospel choir and we went to see her perform after seeing the sights.  They sang all in English, though they can't speak in it.  I was the only foreigner there and probably the only one who could have understood the words, but it was with such a thick accent that I couldn't really make out most of it.  They say Japan lacks irony, but I thought it rather ironic that, given these things, no one really knew what the songs were about.  Or maybe I just have my definition of irony wrong.

Anyway, go mean green, i miss you guys and you'll be hearing more later.

[09/01/02] Teeth, Flamboyant Instructor, and Homogenous School Boys

Sorry for the lapse in communications, guys.  I didn't fall off the planet, my host family just has no internet connection.  I moved in with them this weekend and my fears have been allayed.  Yoshiko-san (mother) is great.  She's been a great force in helping me become oriented.  Host father, Kazuhiro-san, is friendly as well, and speaks a little English for those times when my Japanese fails.  My twenty six year old model sister, Etsuko, is rarely ever at home, but she seemed nice enough in the five minutes I actually saw her.  Host brother, Toshio, is a dentist.  Last night Two of Yoshiko's false teeth broke off in a peach she was eating, and Toshio just got up from the table and went to his room for his little tool kit to fix it.  I tried not to laugh as hard as I wanted to. 

Yesterday I went with Yoshiko to her health club to the Aerobics class.  Apparently Japanese aerobics are completely different than American aerobics, but the flaming homosexual male aerobics instructor seems to be a universal archetype.  They (I say they, because though I tried to participate I found myself in way over my head) were doing drill team style dance routines to the beat of horribly bastardized American pop songs and the encouraging (?!) screams of the flamboyant instructor.  I was lost.  The rhythm less white boy, I guess, is another universal archetype.

As I was saying, in Hirakata, because of the University, there are many many foreigners.  In Neyagawa, out of 26,000 people, I think I could be the only one.  I am subject to looks, stares, the ever-popular covert sideways double take, and outright gawking.  Its really kind of amusing.  I think I could probably walk backwards with my shoes on my hands and no one would say anything to me, because who knows?  That may just be the way foreigners walk down the street.  Or maybe he's got some kind of strange religion.  The other day as my friend and I explored the by-ways and side streets of Hirakata we came across a catholic University!  Around back we found lots of Japanese high school boys practicing various sports and hanging out.  We were somehow endlessly entertaining to them.  Several of them greeted us with overly polite speech and mockingly low bows to the great amusement of their fellows.  So interesting that this country is so ethnically homogenous that two white people can make an entire school yard stop and stare. Take care everyone.  Signing off.

[08/29/02] Host Family

Hey, everyone. I just got my info of my host family, whom I'll be moving in with on Saturday (that's Friday for you guys). Their name is Nakamura and they live in a city called Neyagawa. Its about an hour from my school.

The father is a sixty year old company man and the mother is a homemaker. My host brother is about thirsty years old and practices dentistry. My host sister is about 26 years old and models for a living. I am expected to teach her English.

They're so much older than I had expected and hoped for. I would have really liked to live with a family who was had some little kids. I'm very nervous that I'm going to meet them on Saturday and find them to be some very strict, traditional family who lives out in some backwater hamlet where I'll be forced to pick rice all day. Maybe I'll luck out and they'll really be just a friendly set of old folks who won't care much what I do.

Today I registered for my classes and got everything I wanted, so that's a huge relief. I'm taking spoken and written Japanese (though I don't yet know what level), onna to otoko - a gender studies course, Japanese Buddhism, and Sumi-e (Japanese brush painting). I have yet to find an aikido dojo close to me. There is a club here on campus, but I have no idea what style they practice. Hopefully I can find out tomorrow. Anyway, ya'll take care, and I'll be thinking about you.

Ps - This is my mailing address. I think I forgot to include it yesterday:

Jared Mays c/o Center for International Education
Kansai Gaidai University
16-1 Nakamiyahigashino-cho
Hirakata City, Osaka 573-1001 JAPAN

[08/27/02] Jidou-hambaiki and Pornographic

Hey guys. I'm sending you guys my mailing address since there were some requests for it. I can't call you, though. You can call me, but I don't have one I can use to call you. No phone. None. The closest phone that I can actually use is ten minutes on foot from my dorm. And then the call costs at least a dollar. And that's in Japan. To call overseas I need to become an organ donor or something. It's crazy.

The foods here are good, but I don't think they'd last in shipment. They'd make excellent air freshener after the flight, though (if you replace the word "air freshener" with "fetid septic mound of insanity"). They have vending machines here that sell beatles. That's right, beatles. They're popular pets, and they only need to be fed once a week. So they made temperature controlled vending machines (jidou-hambaiki) and stuck the beatles in there with a month's supply of food each.

They also have pornographic video games in the arcade, the same one where the kids play. Its a different culture. I heard we're in for a typhoon. I'm excited. I'm just a little nervous about my first earthquake. See you soon.

[08/27/02] "Man, baked potato soup...."

Hey, everyone, this is just an update from the land of the rising sun. Things are going great, I took my placement exam for my language classes today and did really well...results on Friday.

I bought a bike since everything is at least 30 to 45 minutes by foot from where I'm staying. It cost about 13,000 yen (around a hundred bucks - prices here are like if we counted them in pennies in America). Also, they have toilets here that wash your ass for you, but I like to use the paper instead.

I miss you guys a lot. What else do I miss? Ginger snaps, pumpkin pie, and baked potato soup. Man, baked potato soup.... Speaking of food, the cafeteria here is like a freaking' gourmet banquet. WAY better than UNT, and its cheaper, too. Only three dollars for a huge plate of food.

All right, I'm getting hungry now, so I'm signing off. Take it easy, everyone. Be good to each other.

[08/24/02] Konnichiwa, Amerika-jin!!!

Greetings to everyone! I've finally arrived in Japan, and I must say it is exciting.

Everything here works and runs on time (the people from the university said they'd meet us at 10:20 am, and they appeared at exactly that time - its kinda creepy really).

I've already met so many friends here. We're all headed out today to explore the city. Anyway, I hope everyone at home is doing great and I'll see you guys in a little while. Keep in touch.